You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
