Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
