the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
