I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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