If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
