so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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