someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
