...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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