Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
