and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
