Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't deserve a penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
