idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
