He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
