Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think my mom watched the whole time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
