Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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