i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
