Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
