I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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