And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
