I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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