Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
