a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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