I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
