both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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