I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
