I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
