If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
