I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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