Sponge bath it is.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone came in the potted fern
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