Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
