it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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