I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you bring me the toilet please
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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