i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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