Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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