Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
