it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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