Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
