I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
