I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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