I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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