I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
