Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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