Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
