I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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