I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this just has baby written all over it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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