Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
only if we run a train.
done.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
