My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
