just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
