You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't deserve a penis
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
