So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
