I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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