I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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