On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dick has a subreddit
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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