New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
