She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
