if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
