Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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