I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
