didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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