Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
