I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
