He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
