5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
