the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
bring money and cleavage
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
