Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
