This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
