I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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