Who wears a wallet chain?!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
