Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
