Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
