OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
